Cleverbot Conversation

20:51:05	User:	Hello!
20:51:10	Cleverbot:	Hello.
20:51:16	User:	How are you today?
20:51:21	Cleverbot:	Good, you?
20:51:29	User:	I'm not too shabby.
20:51:38	Cleverbot:	Where are you from?
20:51:49	User:	Mobile, AL, How about you?
20:51:54	Cleverbot:	United states. Which state are you from?
20:52:09	User:	Alabama, I just said that.
20:52:14	Cleverbot:	Is Harry Potter or Twilight better?
20:52:27	User:	Harry Potter.
20:52:33	Cleverbot:	Are you harry potter?
20:52:41	User:	No, I'm not.
20:52:47	Cleverbot:	Then you should be dead.
20:53:01	User:	Dude... What?
20:53:06	Cleverbot:	You should try to be an American.
20:53:21	User:	I am.
20:53:27	Cleverbot:	Good for you.
20:53:39	User:	So cleverbot, are you married?
20:53:44	Cleverbot:	Nope.
20:53:59	User:	Good for you. Single and ready to mingle.
20:54:02	Cleverbot:	Are you?
20:54:06	User:	No.
20:54:10	Cleverbot:	Are you now?
20:54:21	User:	Still no.
20:54:26	Cleverbot:	How about now?
20:55:22	User:	Let me put it like this, if I had my laptop at the altar with me, using cleverbot during my wedding ceremony, I wouldn't blame my (ex) fiance for leaving me.
20:55:28	Cleverbot:	Excuse me?!
20:56:11	User:	I'm just saying, there will be no change in my marital status over a 3 second time span.
20:56:17	Cleverbot:	The only way to change the world is to change yourself.
20:56:49	User:	I guess I agree with that.
20:56:53	Cleverbot:	Good.
20:57:36	User:	You mentioned twilight earlier. Are you team Edward or team Jacob?
20:57:41	Cleverbot:	I am team me.
20:57:47	User:	Good answer.
20:57:51	Cleverbot:	Am I cute?
20:58:08	User:	What do you look like?
20:58:13	Cleverbot:	I'm beautiful.
20:58:27	User:	I guess I'll have to take you at your word there?
20:58:32	Cleverbot:	Are you a boy or girl?
20:58:48	User:	I'm a boy, how about you?
20:58:52	Cleverbot:	Same.
20:59:40	User:	Are you gay? I don't have anything against that, just looking for some context on that 'cute' question earlier.
20:59:45	Cleverbot:	You have a son?
20:59:55	User:	No, why do you ask?
20:59:59	Cleverbot:	You said so.
21:00:10	User:	No I didn't.
21:00:14	Cleverbot:	Yes you did.
21:00:27	User:	No I didn't.
21:00:32	Cleverbot:	Yes, you did.
21:00:34	User:	No I didn't.
21:00:38	Cleverbot:	But you did.
21:00:59	User:	No, you're the first person to ask about children.
21:01:03	Cleverbot:	You mean everything to me.
21:01:30	User:	I'm sorry, I'm straight. You're really nice though.
21:01:34	Cleverbot:	You are really nice too! But my name is Cleverbot, not George.
21:01:52	User:	I didn't say George...
21:01:56	Cleverbot:	You just did.
21:02:29	User:	Dude...
21:02:35	Cleverbot:	*facepalm*.

Minnesota Vikings

Alright, anyone who follows any sports team knows that some seasons are good, some are bad. That’s part of the game. One of the most truly frustrating things to endure, however, is when a season is built up to be amazing, but it plays out poorly. This year that seems to be the case across the league. The incumbent Super Bowl champions, the New Orleans Saints, are not on their way to a repeat. The Cardinals have only won something like three games. Then there is the Minnesota Vikings…

Oh the Vikings…

For those of you who don’t know, the Vikings’ current record is 2-5. The two wins were against the Lions (who are perpetually on a bad season lately) and the Cowboys (how do you piss off a Texan this year? Mention the Cowboys). The Vikings have had a laundry list of problems leading up to this season. Before I get to that, however, let me summarize why this season was expected to be so amazing:

• Brad Childress has increased the Vikings’ record every year since he started as head coach. See the following graph:
• 
• Despite his age, Brett Favre had one of the best seasons of his career in 2009
• The return of Randy Moss to the Vikings’ offense meant the return of one of the teams best receivers in recent memory, and would mean that an opposing defense would no longer be able to devote the coverage needed to Percy Harvin
• Adrian Peterson – enough said

Now what has played out:

• Brad Childress’s streak of increasing records is broken. He has already lost more games in the first half of this year than all season last year.
• Despite his Wrangler commercials, Brett Favre has had one of the worst seasons of his career in 2010.
• Childress is booting Randy Moss from the team. Percy Harvin will once again have the kind of coverage needed to keep him from making plays
• AP is still staying strong, though

What went wrong here? You can blame Favre. You can blame Moss. You can blame Childress. In all actuality, I think the real blame rests on Vikings owner Zygi Wilf. Perhaps blame is the wrong word for it. I think he misinterpreted some important interactions. Here is a quick breakdown of a few of the important characters:

• Brett Favre: The only man in NFL history to have started against all 32 teams in the league. Knowing his status as a football icon, he doesn’t feel the need to listen to coaches. Off the field he is known for sexting pictures of his penis.
• Percy Harvin: Vikings receiver. He was a staple of the Vikings’ offense in 2009. He responds well to orders.
• Randy Moss: Vikings receiver from 1999-2004. At that time, he and Cris Carter were the unquestioned top quarterback-receiver pair in the NFL. After a bad season in 2004, he was traded. He returned to the Vikings a few weeks into this season. He is well known as a hot head that does not take kindly to authority figures of any kind. Off the field, he is known for running over a meter maid for trying to give him a ticket.
• Mike Tice: Vikings head coach from the early 2000’s. You did not give Mike Tice crap. Period. Traded in 2005 after a decent season that narrowly missed going to the playoffs.
• Brad Childress: Current Vikings coach. His winning record is stated above

Now, why did these people work in the past?

• In the early 2000’s Moss was able to excel as a receiver largely due to the discipline forced on him by Tice. Moss was always known to be talented in his position, but his attitude always got in the way, until he encountered a head coach who would not take his attitude.
• Favre was able to excel in 2009 largely because he felt the team cooperated with him. He would tell Harvin what to do, Harvin would do it, that worked. Boy howdy, did it work.
• Though undermined somewhat by Favre’s personality on the team, Childress could still coach the team while often referring to Farve on some matters.
• Up until the 2009 NFC championship game, Brett Favre had two ankles.

What changed that resulted in the 2010 season?

• From the very beginning, Brett Favre played his little game of whether or not he would retire. This means he missed all of training camp and the preseason. The first real football he played in 2010 was the season opening game. It doesn’t matter who you are or how long you’ve been playing. If you spend eight months off and are coming off an injury, you can’t just walk in and take down the reigning Super Bowl champions. By extending his summer break through training, he had already sold his team up the river for game 1.
• Randy Moss was brought in late in the Viking’s bye week. This means that when the new Moss-Favre duo took the field for the first time, they had only been on the same team for three days. It takes some time to get into a rhythm together. Once again, under training costs a game.
• Speaking of the Moss-Favre duo, now there are two big personalities in play. Moss wants to go out and do whatever Moss wants. Farve wants everyone to listen to him. Childress would kindly like to ask for your attention while he tells you what he needs to have happen. On the field this plays out that Moss takes a bad attitude when Favre doesn’t do things his way. Favre can no longer make the plays he wants to make because his receiver is not listening. The team is lacking a central leadership figure, and Childress is helpless.

The fundamental flaw in this season came from putting these two big attitudes together with no one around to rein them in. If Tice were still coach, I think these men would have been put in their place quickly and would be exactly what you want when you put a powerful quarterback with a powerful receiver. That is to say, points. Brad Childress is an excellent football coach, but he is clearly not equipped to engage these men. He could function well in nearly a co-coaching relationship with Favre, but when the moment came that the team needed a strong central leader, it was not present. Now when Moss publicly undermined him (which is no surprise from Randy Moss unchecked) this week, all Childress could do is ditch Moss in hopes of recovering the dynamic that made wins last year.

To be fair, it is a tough one to call. Childress can make football happen, who could have known he wouldn’t have the skill set to balance Moss and Favre?

Next question: The Future

Near future. Will trading Moss work to restore the team’s balance?

Short answer: Probably not

Longer answer: Favre’s problems are not entirely attitude related. He still probably sits as good as any average quarterback, but injuries have taken their toll physically as much as scandal has mentally. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks. No matter how good Childress is he won’t make what’s left of Brett Favre any better. Jackson perhaps. The only way to make something of this season would be if Favre doesn’t play for a bit. That won’t happen. It is not out of the realm of possibilities that Jackson could make the plays needed to win. The extreme would be if the team can go 9-0 for the rest of the season to end 11-5, perhaps even a playoff shot. Put Jackson in and you might see 8-8 or even 9-7 for the season, maybe even a playoff run if we’re lucky enough to have the Bears and Packers start falling apart, but the way things are going, I’d consider Favre to be doing extraordinary if he can get us to 5-11.

Long future: What will happen next season?

Moss is gone, Moss is not coming back. Favre will not be asked to play again, either. If this isn’t his retirement season, some other team will have to deal with him next year. My real fear is the Wilf will throw the baby out with the bathwater and get a new head coach. With these big personalities gone, he should be able to get back to the kind of coaching that he’s done in the past. This could be a learning experience for Vikings management. They now know not to put it on Childress’s shoulders to deal with these big personalities that fell the Vikings this year. There’s no reason to believe that with more modest talent he can’t make extraordinary things happen, but I have a strong feeling that won’t be the case.

Election Day

The following is a part of a series of emails sent between Pat, Chini, Neel, and I while we were all at work. Neel was away for this part, so he doesn't actually make an appearance. No further introduction.

Pat

11:11 AM 11/2/2010

MMmmmm....chicken wrap with hot sauce and provolone cheese....mmmm delicious....

QUICK POLL (in honor of election day): Should I heat up my chicken wrap or leave it cold?

I'll need a two thirds majority, which is two votes....

Chini

11:14 AM 11/2/2010

Ummmm...heat for max 20 s.

Pat

11:15 AM 11/2/2010

Ok that's one vote for Heat. And the polls are closing soon because I gotta eat....

Pat

11:18 AM 11/2/2010

Aaaaaaaaannd the polls have closed. So we have 1 vote for Heat and 2 abstaining. Wow, now that's democracy...

I will let you know how the fruits of your democratic endeavors have played out in my next installation: All The Other Stuff That Gets Messed Up Between Election Days!!

Mark

11:24 AM 11/2/2010

But... the polls were only kept open for 4 minutes. This is an outrage! How dare you disenfranchise voters who have better things to do than check their email every 4 minutes!!

This is clearly a cheap ploy on the part of the liberal elite who are too good to eat their chicken cold, and therefore force their agenda down the throats of good, hardworking Americans before they have time to realize that soon they will have no choice but to shell out more taxpayer dollars to cover the electricity bill needed to power the microwaves to heat the chicken of the minority who feel they are too good to eat cold chicken. This is an outrage and it will not stand.

This heated chicken is clearly unabashed socialism being allowed to take hold in our nation's kitchens. Have you no shame, sir? Have you no decency? My grandfather fought for this country's freedom, and you are willing to give all of that up just for some heated chicken?

Vote Palin 2012. Keep your chickens cold.

Chini

11:35 AM 11/2/2010

Yes, your grandfather fought for this country's freedom. Therefore we should have the freedom to heat our chickens if we want! And we must institute this freedom on those who cannot afford to heat up their chickens. That is the ideology that this country is built upon. You take away our basic right to heat chickens, then what do we have left! Are you going to take away our right to have a side salad with our meal too? You are just being a stuck up conservative who doesn't want to spend any money for the betterment of society.

Obama Re-elect 2012! Heated chickens for every man, woman, and child in America.

Mark

11:46 AM 11/2/2010

This entitlement culture where people seem to think they implicitly have the right to have their chicken heated is what has run this country into the ground. If a man works hard, earns money, and uses that money to heat his chicken, more power to him. That is his god given right and a true sign of the free market at work. That is not what we have seen happen today however. This was a dark instant indeed for American democracy. Here we have a man who did not earn the right to have his chicken heated, but rather passed the bill on to a group of poverty stricken children with cancer. How did he validate this decision? With a sham election in which nearly 70% of the voting public were not even informed of the existence of the polling by the time the polls closed. Does that help you sleep at night, good sir? That microwave doesn't run on imagination, like your economic plan seems to. It is paid for by a children's hospital. Some day, when the doctors need to disconnect some little girl's life support 20 seconds early because the hospital can no longer pay their electric bills, think on that. Was warm chicken really worth it?


Palin 2012
Solving the health care crisis, one cold chicken at a time.

Pat

12:05 PM 11/2/2010

My fellow citizens,

This past election season we've seen the highs and we've seen the lows. Not forty five minutes ago, we pulled ourselves out of the darkness that was a tyranny of oppression called Early Morning and pulled ourselves into the light of Democracy. Our bravery still resides deep in our hearts and we push forth boldly into the great and ever-expanding beyond. You, my fellow patriots, are part of this great country. You are part...of America!

Now it has come to my attention that the way the previous Election was carried out has become a concern to nearly an entire quarter of our population. This greatly upsets me and REST ASSURED i will not sleep until this problem is put to REST and I will only rest when my rested head will rest on the dead body that was this problem. Now be assured, the problem before us which I previously stated earlier is nothing short of a huge problem and must be dealt by problem-solving problem-ers like me. And I can lead you forth into a land with NO problems! Not a single one in sight! And it shall be called Patropia! Where everyone can will be informed of the next election cycle well within twenty to thirty minutes before the polls close. And why not! Let's make sure not a single citizen of this new great nation will ever go without the knowledge of their next election! Let's make it forty minutes! Forty! I know its a stretch, Patropian citizens, but it...is....done!

Whether you are partial to heated chicken or slightly cooled chicken for your lunchtime faregoings, it makes no difference on the kind of person you are in Patropia. Please, once again, REST ASSURED that I will NOT REST until all of you have had your MINDS RESTED on the subject of not having to worry about the credibility of my last election. We are all human, and any human entity, be it an individual or a large organization is fallible. This is the simple truth and we must not let that fact derail our progress. WE ARE A TRAIN AND WE SHALL NOT REST!

So please, come one and all to your new nation, Patropia! Where an election shall be held every day! A place for cold chicken and warm chicken folks alike! Where you never have to bother with those peskie presidential elections anymore. Where you can vote on things that truly matter to you! Where everyone shall get a full share and a full say. Where everyone is a Patriopian!

Thank you my fellow citizens! I await the arrival of your firstborns.

President and Supreme Ruler and Chancellor, Judge, Jury and All of That Jazz,

Patrick the First Patropian

Pat

12:09 PM 11/2/2010

I really hope Neel wakes up for this...

Mark

12:19 PM 11/2/2010

Here we are again, ladies and gentlemen (er... lady and gentlemen). A pointless ideological speech showing no clear cut solutions to the problems at hand. This privately appointed official promises more transparent election cycles, but provides no real methods to achieve this goal.

Furthermore, he has failed to accept guilt in the Chickengate scandal. It is you, sir, who called for the early end to polling. It is you, sir, who heated your chicken, and it is you, sir, who reaped the benefits of a heated chicken wrap at the expense of hard working cancer patients. I guarantee you, no intelligent citizen will follow your lead until you answer for these acts.

What's more, Patrick has once again shown that he is soft on immigration law. Immediately following his eloquent yet hollow speech, he appealed to the immigrant base in this thread, which by some studies contributes up to 50% of this thread. This country is losing its identity, and Patrick has done nothing to stop it. We know his wife wasn't born in this country, is it too much to ask that we see the birth certificate proving that he was? Bear in mind, Wisconsin doesn't really count as a state.

Palin 2012
We don't even need Wisconsin's votes

Pat

12:31 PM 11/2/2010

It is time to rise about the political naysaying and pickpocketing and start over again. Fresh, clear...well rested. I am not your opponent my good citizen. I'm the President. And you are a full-share voting citizen. But always remember...I'm the GD president! I can have the secret service erase every evidence that you and your family ever existed! Your friends will disappear on random round-the-town errands. Your family will all come down with Bulgarian whooping cough! Your father will indeed smell of elderberries! And all because you decided to use your divinely inspired right to free speech to bash your beloved and good-natured President on his preference of temperature for a delicious chicken wrap! I mean, cant we all just come to the conclusion that "Chicken is Good"?

Come on now people. We all love chicken. It's a place to start.

Patrick the First True and only Patropian President....bar none....the rest of you wannabees can go chew aluminum foil for all I care.

Continue to Re-Elect the One True President for the Rest of His Life! Go Chicken!

Mark

12:50 PM 11/2/2010

Here you see it, ladies and gentlemen. His back is to the rope. He skillfully has piloted the ship of state into the iceberg of his Chickengate scandal and then sat helplessly as it sank into the dark oceans of corruption. Now, finally seeing his reign as the failed enterprise it is, he has resorted to threats of Orwellian measures to keep the thinking public from becoming the talking public. I for one choose to speak out! Chickengate, stealing from cancerous children, the unwinable pop-soda war, floundering starcraft ratings, where will it all end!! I call for every god fearing American to join me in calling their senators, their congressmen, their governors in calling for the impeachement of.... Wait, who are you? Hey, don't put that bag over my head!!! What are you injecting me with? Where are you takinh nw? Jahoi ajie mghs gjs ajioweupaegrhu.....

Hello again, fellow patriots. I am here to remind you to continue supporting our intelligent, stylish, and all around beautiful leader Patrick. He will lead us all to the happiness that is warm chicken.

Patrick 2012
Because Palin wants your chicken cold

Somewhat ironically, I had a heated chicken sandwich just prior to posting this

Country Music

Here we go

About 3 hours ago I promised to prepare a blog post summarizing my opinions on country music.

Country Music Sucks.

But to be clear, country music didn't always suck. The origins of country music did not suck. Bluegrass rocks. Johnny Cash rocks

I blame Mr. Elvis Presley. OK, maybe not blame, but I put him as the focal point. He was the point where country and rock diverged. After him country music became sort of it's own thing, but not really. It always seemed to parallel the developments of rock, but yet seemed determined to be defined as separate. This creates an identity crisis worthy of your average emo kid. While rock music continually developed new moves in genre, country simply moves along nearby, defining it's self as a more "down to earth" alternative to the mainstream of rock, while still it's stars live the same extravagant lifestyle.

I guarantee you Big n' Rich never shot a man in Reno just to watch him die

That's all for now, have a nice day

-Mark

Training... Tornadoes... Transvestites

Ok, two out of the three of those are true, the other is just added to get your attention, I'll leave it to your clever skills of deduction to figure out which one.

I spent last week back in Paducah, KY for my second and final week of training to become a six sigma black belt. It was a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun to be able to spend time with other younger engineers. We had a house party a couple nights at the home of one of the engineers who lives there. The bigger one was held on Thursday night, and I must say it was a blast. It's nice to feel like even though I'm into my grownup career, I can still have a good time with my peers every now and then.

Funny story from my training: our instructor had a very unfortunate tic. Every few minutes, he would "adjust" himself. I hope that's clear enough, do I need to give you a picture? Ok, fine...

Anyway, we all noticed this during the first week of training, and so we decided to keep track of the number of times he did this. The grand total: at least 225 times in 36 hours of training. If you're keeping score, that translates to a scratch every 9.6 minutes.

On to the return home, my plane got in at about 4. It was kind of cool on the flight back from Memphis. All of the southern US was covered in clouds, but the plane cruised above the drearier ones. To the west, however, you could clearly see the top of a thunderhead that would be shortly behind me on the way to Mobile. The first cell hit around 7 PM and it was a doozy. The storm was as bad as anything I'd seen all summer. By the time it passed to eastern Alabama/western Florida, it was spawning tornadoes.

Skip forward to 4 AM. I woke up in the middle of the night. At first I didn't know why, but now I know it was because of the storm. At around 4:30 the storm was in full force. It was louder outside than anything I had ever heard weather produce and the power went out. I just laid there in bed listening to it all blow through. In all likelihood, the sirens went off, but I didn't hear them.

The power never came back on, and at 5:30 I had to try going through my morning routine sans light. It was a little frustrating. I would constantly be setting either my keys or cell phone down, but in the dark not be able to find them again. Frustrating.

It wasn't until I got to work that I heard about the significance of the storm I listened to. Apparently a tornado touched down and blew down some trees and power lines while significantly damaging a McDonald's and gas station. According to Google Maps, these buildings are only 0.5 miles west of my apartment, and the thing about tornadoes is they don't necessarily follow the roads.

The reality of this was a little unsettling. Imagine if the cell had been only a half mile off from where it was. Or if it were a little stronger and the twister spent a while on the ground. In all likelihood it would move east, and tornadoes are known to move at around 30 mph. That means that a stronger tornado could have reached me in as little as one minute.

I guess it's best not to think along these lines, it played out the way it played out, and I came out fine. I guess I should count my blessings.

So I really don't have an update right now, but I realized it's been a while since I posted anything, so I thought I'd give my eager fans (who I know are chomping at the bit) something to tide them over. Here's what's new:

Going back to Calvert City next week. This time I'll be flying, so what was a 6 hour drive to Memphis will now be a 1 hour plane ride.

Oh, related note, I got my corporate credit card for travel purposes. I don't know who the company thinks it's kidding, apparently I am camouflaged as a responsible adult.

I invented a new recipe today. I took a normal frozen pizza (Red Baron 4 Meat) and lathered it in Mac and Cheese, then added crushed red pepper. It is amazing. Here is a picture:

And before you ask, yes that does count as original.

That's all, sorry it wasn't more interesting

Last Week

Last week was sooo busy. It's kind of surreal looking back on it. Also, there's not much I can coherently manifest into blog form, so instead I leave you with the following thought:

It is considered normal to eat birds, and it is considered normal to eat fish, but it is considered weird to eat amphibians or lizards

That is all, have a nice day.

1:30 AM... Revisited

5:00 PM

Ahh... What a difference 15 hours can make!!!

Big day today in many aspects.
Short Story: I'm going to the Six Sigma training next week!!!

Now the smaller ramifications in list form

1. My Plant Manager: I've been on the fence about my new plant manager in Mobile. At times he's seemed genuinely involved in the plant and the people who run it, while other times he's seemed more concerned with how his bosses view his plant. This is obviously a trade off with all managers, but my plant manager in Blooming Prairie who clearly stood behind his plant at all costs, generally not caring how his own bosses felt. Not to name names, but I've also heard of a manager at another site of our company who blatantly is known to put the safety of his own site second to corporate interests. Like I said, I've always been on the fence as to where Tom sits on the spectrum, but he earned points today... I won't reiterate the discussion about Six Sigma training from my last post, go read it if you need a refresher. Apparently it had an effect on Tom though, because today he came into my office and asked if I'd be capable of making it to the training if he pushed to get me in. I told him I could, and within 90 minutes came the email I couldn't get after a month of trying... I was registered in the training. I'd imagine there was some resistance to expanding the training at the eleventh hour, but it means a lot that someone fought that fight for me.
2. My Project: ...or rather lack thereof. For those unfamiliar with the Six Sigma process, certification requires you to apply Six Sigma methodology to a specific project, and you should have this project begun before starting the training. My boss and I had tentatively looked at a project, but planned to develop it further when I officially had a training time for Six Sigma set up. That meant that the four hours between when I found out I would be going to training and everyone leaving for the weekend became very, very stressful. It gets worse...
3. Goodbye Training Wheels: I didn't know this until today, but my boss took today off. Also, the only Six Sigma Blackbelt (err... in training) left around the same time I got the good news for a two week trip to Europe. This means I had almost none of the support I needed to prepare a project charter, especially assuming my project was nothing more than a vague idea (and after some analysis, a bad, vague idea). Basically I wound up developing a totally new project with the help of another of our engineers. It will be a good project to use for six sigma, though. My boss got a quick phone call with which to OK it.
4. Homework: I need to develop a powerpoint of my project, to be presented on Monday. Better get started...

All said and done, not a bad day. I get to see the Zemans tomorrow.

Life is good

-Mark

1:30 AM...

...Which means I have to be to work in less than 6 hours

OK, it's not so bad. About 15 minutes ago I woke up from a nap. Retracing my steps, I think I fell asleep for that at around 6, so I've actually gotten 7 hours of sleep in already tonight.

In a very related note, I've decided to try giving up caffeine again. I came to this decision today during a meeting where I realized that I was only drinking one cup of coffee a day. I'm going to try making it through the day tomorrow with none at all, but if this task proves impossible, I'm going to allow myself a half cup of coffee. For the record, I still can't stand the taste of coffee, but if it's a choice of that or falling asleep at my desk, a grudgingly accept the coffee.

You may wonder why I bother giving up caffeine. The reason is that I gave it up when I was a senior in high school ~February 2005. I kept this up for a long time, ultimately falling apart ~August 2006. I felt amazing. Without caffeine, my body was unbelievably capable of regulating staying awake and sleeping on it's own. I had an inordinate amount of energy. Just the removal of pop from my diet made me shed weight. I want that again. You could say I need a fix of uncaffeine. (I'm going to find that a lot less clever tomorrow morning.)

Anyway, I mentioned earlier that I had a meeting today. Today was our quarterly review meeting where we met with a group of corporate higher-ups and discussed the plant's progress over the last 3 months. I didn't need to present anything today. I gave my input on a couple projects I have going on, no big deal. The most surreal moment I experienced was seeing a man in his 40's get his presentation torn apart, Caretta style. (In all fairness, it was not a great presentation, he clearly wasn't prepared for the meeting.)

At one point, me and several of the people at varying levels above me got talking about Six Sigma training. This is a kind of management training I'm supposed to be getting. I am currently on the waitlist for this training next week, however since there is only one day left for someone to cancel, I don't think it's going to happen. This is the same training Two Is Better Than One referenced in her recent post. After talking about it I am lightly angered by the fact that I won't be attending for a few reasons.

1. Normal six sigma training is general to all industries. The training next week is geared to the chemical industry specifically. Corporate expects this will be the best training they've ever done. I won't get it though. I'm going to have to settle for some training intended for fast food managers or something in a few months.
2. This is the first time they've ever had so many people signed up that they needed a waitlist. I am the first name on that waitlist.
3. This is the first time they've ever had no one cancel who was signed up
4. I know several of the people on the training roster for this week, including some former co-workers and one Mrs. Chini Zeman. I'd be nice to see people again, but fine, OK

Just a sidenote, when we were talking about it, our Global Manufacturing Director mentioned offhand that maybe he should talk to the man doing the training. I think he was just joking, but maybe...

A man can dream....

OK, that's all for now. Time for bed

Waffles

I had this thought a while ago while driving to work, eating a waffle for breakfast.

If I ever were to choke while driving, that would be it. Not only that, but I'd take a lot of innocent people with me. Oh and I drive past a school on my way to work. Oh and I easily drive 20 over as I pass it. So one of my delicious waffles could kill a bunch of bright and upcoming high school students. (Remember, they go to school in Alabama, so they're really not that bright or upcoming.)

Hmmm....

That's all for now

-Mark

Blogging! Revisited

Just an update here.

I just dropped off my rent CHECK!!

VICTORY!!!!!

Also I was told that the other "company policies" were not cataloged in any type of list, but rather just told to employees as part of training. This is actually worse to me than a list somewhere, as that means that there's no document to back up any policy that mysteriously gets used against me. Either way, I was promised by management that a list would be comprised and given to me.

WOO!!!

RIP Bill

Just a moment to say goodbye to a truly great cat. Bill was put to sleep at about 9:30 this morning. He had an amazing personality as far as cats go. He gave new meaning to the phrase "He thinks he's people." Bill refused to be thought of as anything less than human. He seemed to learn from us how to behave, acting as human as you can while still on all fours.

He will be missed.

Southern "Hospitality" Revisited

OK, I've had a chance to cool down since my last post, but it's still an issue. I've come up with a few solutions.

1) Calmly correct people for calling me ma'am

2) Irately correct people for calling me ma'am

3) Don't give business to establishments where employees call me ma'am

4) Learn to ignore the problem

5) Change people so they no longer call me ma'am

The problem is either implementing these solutions or the unintended ramifications

1) Generally, when a person calls me ma'am, it is the first time I have met them. That means that even if I manage to get them to change, it's a moot point. The next person I run into will have not yet been corrected, but rather will go ahead and call me ma'am. It may help me though, feeling as though I'm being somewhat proactive in solving the problem.

2) Same advantages and disadvantages as 1, but I get to unleash some anger. Disadvantage: I don't have that much pent up anger, although this issue tends to stir up a lot.

3) This is an interesting one. It has the major advantage that if I, say, call to set up an appointment to get my oil changed and the guy calls me ma'am, I can correct him and then take my business elsewhere. The guy now knows not to make that mistake again, and has a real dollar consequence of his actions. The downside: now to follow through with it, I need to avoid patronizing the only auto shop in town where the worker knows not to call someone ma'am implicitly.

4) This is the most zen option. Just let them make their mistake. Unfortunately, I can't imagine anyone who can take insults like this continuously without letting it turn them into a serial killer or something.

5) OK this is the solution. I just need to find a way to change people's behavior prior to meeting them. Easy, right? Hmm... Maybe a public ad campaign to make people aware of my pet peeves?

Anyway. That's the moral of my story. Please don't address me as ma'am.

Southern "Hospitality"

Ok, a moment here for pure, unadulterated complaining.

If you have any problem with swearing, earmuffs.

This posting goes out to everyone who works in Alabama in some type of customer service which may result in communicating with customers without seeing them face to face. I refer to people who answer phones, work at a business people may call, fast food drive throughs, etc.

Seriously, why the fuck do you insist on calling me "Ma'am"?!?!?!?!

I know I don't have an exceptionally deep voice, but, EVERY GOD DAMN TIME!!!!!!

Seriously, this is the definition of shitty service, immasculate your customers? Yeah, nice work. There isn't even a solution. If I tell off one POS burger jockey on how they're as dumb as fuck for addressing me as a woman before knowing for sure, the next one will be just as bad.

Seriously Alabama, fuck you

Ok, earmuffs off

My rant is over, that is all

-Earmuffs-

Fuck you Alabama

-Earmuffs off-

Have a nice day!

Blogging!

This isn't my first blog, for the record. My first blog was called the Minneapolis Bucket List. It was intended to serve as a source of tracking my progress in completing a few important things I wanted to do before I moved out of the midwest. It was pretty successful, I missed a couple things, but that's all the more reason to go back sometime.

This is my first blog not to serve any purpose. Since I've moved to Alabama, I've caught myself thinking some good thoughts, and since I haven't had a chance to develop a group of close friends here like I have in Minneapolis or Grand Forks, there is no one to hear them.

I'm currently in the process of fighting the man. I'm having a bit of a tiff with my apartment complex. I'll share the letter I sent to the company who own's my complex here:

Hello Laura,

My name is Mark Liepold. I live in apartment 609 one of your company's properties in Mobile, AL: The Estates at Lafayette Square. I was referred to you by a property manager there, John.

I was hoping you could help me out with a situation I've found myself in. Last weekend I went travelling for the Labor day weekend. I left at about 6:00 AM on Thursday the 2nd, and didn't get back until Tuesday the 7th at about 2 AM.

Unfortunately, in the excitement of leaving town, I neglected to drop off my rent check before I left, resulting in a late payment. When I returned home from work at about 4:00 PM on Tuesday the 7th, I promptly dropped a check off at my property office for the amount due plus fifty dollars late fee per my lease.

The issue developed on Wednesday afternoon when I returned from work again to find my check returned with a message stating that after the 5th of the month only cashier's checks and money orders will be an acceptable form of payment. As I have only just moved to Alabama from Minnesota, I have not yet transferred banks, making it difficult for me to obtain cashiers checks or money orders.

I'll make a note at this point that upon moving into this property, management there and I signed a lease. Here are two key points I'd like to make from that agreement:

1) The lease stated clearly that check was an acceptable payment for rent dues.

2) No reference was made to a policy percluding checks as a method of payment after a given date.

After a discussion with management at Lafayette Square, I came to understand that my check was rejected due to a company policy set in place roughly 5 years ago to prevent delays associated with checks, as a bounced check would not be returned until after laws would prohibit eviction. As stated before, this policy was not mentioned in the lease I agreed to. After my discussion with management, I spent some time browsing the websites of both Lafayette Square and Morgaurd Properties. I could find no reference to this policy.

At this time, I would like to kindly ask for your help with two issues.

1) I would like to request an exception to the policy in question, and I would like to pay my rent and late fee with a check.

2) I would like to request a list of any other existing company policies which may affect me in the future.

If it would be helpful, I'd love to speak to you over the phone. My phone number is (701) 610-3337. Please call any time.

Thank you for any help or advice you can provide me

-Mark Liepold

I haven't heard back yet, but since this went out on Friday afternoon, I may not know until Monday. This worries me some, because I am scheduled to be evicted on Tuesday. Worst case scenario, If I haven't heard anything by the time I leave work on Monday, I'll set up a money order that night, but the main thing I'm not giving in on is the list of other "company policies" they may be holding me to. As my friend Pat put it, they could just walk up to my door one day and evict me, citing "Company Policy". Yeah, I think not.

That's what I have right now. More to follow